I feel Trapped

I am feeling good. My stomach is full now. The temperature is just about right. Life is pretty good. Life is sliding by. I can feel a slight and irregular vibration. There is a gentle rocking motion that I like. I am in somewhat of a daze. It is a peaceful feeling that I really like. I am losing my sense of consciousness now… I am sliding into a deep, deep slumber…

… My head is bobbing around some and I am feeling a new sense of awareness. I am feeling an urgent feeling but I try with all my might and I can’t get up. I continue to struggle but I can’t get free of my bonds. This struggling is making me tired. My eyes have been fluttering open and closed for a while and I see a few things that I recognize but I just can’t make the transition from deep slumber to awake. The struggle with my bonds is a losing struggle and I feel the peaceful feeling taking over again… more deep slumber…

A sharp jolt has awakened me. My eyes are wide open now. The brightness is intense and I can see now, but it is not registering in my mind. I move and I realize that I am still not in control of all of my movements. I am tightly restrained. As I watch the world slide by the motion soothes me… but I am wide awake now. I see things that are interesting and I try to reach for them, but they are out of reach. I try to maneuver that direction but I am trapped, I am weirdly out of control but I sense I am under control… but it is not me that is in control… but that is how life is at times.

I am starting to get really frustrated now. I am near the point of panic. These bonds are so constricting, and they seem to be getting tighter. As panic is setting in I feel a sudden urge to pee. I hold it only for a moment and I then I let go… right where I am sitting. There… … I feel a little less panic for now. I am feeling a little better, more relaxed. Now things are starting to register with my mind.

I look up into that mirror that is in front of me. I see familiar eyes… smiling eyes. They make me happy. I know there is love and kindness in those eyes. Those eyes are looking at me now… and I hear a voice. “Hello Sunshine”. And then I hear; “The wheels on the bus go round and round.” I start wiggling, laughing and clapping. It is an automatic thing with me… it just happens when I hear songs.

I love Mimi… she took me to Sea World… We are on the way to Mimi's house now... I think. I love my Mommy too… she takes me neat places too, but she doesn’t give me as much ice cream… “The babies on the bus go wah-wha-wha…”

Whoa... I can really wiggle in this car seat, these straps won't let me fall out... I can wiggle like there is no tomorrow and still not fall out... cool... "The mommies on the bus go shh... shh...shh..."

Sometimes it is cool being two... well almost two.